I got raped by my older cousin and started to like it?

I was with my uncles house and they have about five sons and daughters so I have about five cousins. Four of them are about three and four and one of them is about fifteen. We were just playing hide and seek and so i hid in the closet that had two doors and then all of a sudden my older cousin I am just going to call him R. well R came in so I said " Hey go and hide somewhere else this spot is taken" Then R said to shut up or he will make me. So of course I went quiet. then he told me to go to his bedroom so I went because I didn't want to get hurt. Then when I was in his room he came in and locked the door. Then he duck taped me to the bed and duck taped my mouth shut and that's when he pulled down my pants and took off my shirt, when that happened I started to scream. The scary thing was when I screamed he smacked me very very hard on my a$$. then R said " I thought I told you to shut up" then he started to rub my boobs then unstrapped my bra and started to pinch my nipples. Then he took off my thong and dug deep into my pussy then he put his penis inside and i coudnt help it i moaned. Then he whispred in my ear ooooh your the horny type,well I know how to deal with them. then he took his penis out and got one of those pussy pump things and put that on me and I coudnt squirm because i was taped to the bed. And then when he started to use that I started to moan alot then he whispred "you like that dont you" and I noded because I do have to admit it felt kinda good then he took the ducktape off and said " I wont put the tape on your mouth again if you promise not to scream" and I said yes. then he started to kiss me and we ended up making out. then thats when I started getting really horny I said " give me a *** shot" and R said " wow I never new how sexy and horny you where" then I said " wow neither did I" then he told me to rub his penis to get a *** shot and while I was doing that i was moaning because he was digging deep into my pussy again. Then when he was walking me home (I live like a block away and my parents werent home because I can be in the house alone because i am 14) R said " ok from now on when ever you are at my house come into my room with me and we will do all of that over again. I know you liked it because you moaned and I know you will like to do it again because you are horny" then by the time we finished that conversation we where at my house and R said ok here you are "sex you later" then ever since we have been doing it and I have been liking it ever since. But the question is ....... IS IT WIERD THAT I GOT RAPED,LIKED IT,THEN HAVE BEEN DOING IT EVER SINCE?